Right now as I sit in front of my computer screen, writing these thoughts that I have with hold for the past month or so at two freakin forty in the goddamn morning, lots of things came to my mind.God,there’s bits and pieces of dust on my keypads, that shows how long I’ve abandoned writing and working on my pc.Ok, that is one of the things that I’ve just realise, which has nothing to do with what I was going to say.Ok, back to the main agenda.As I was saying,things like when the hell am I gonna get a freakin job, well a stabile one; anyway.What have I been doing for the past three years, so to ask?
Hrmmmmmm…..let’s see….I’ve been a production assistant on a few tv commercials for a few local production houses here in PJ(mostly freelance),later I became a designer in a pretty top of the list post production houses here in KL(well permanent this time for about well say.. nine months or so), then a freelance assistant producer in an animation house in PJ.Somewhere in the end of I dunno, say end of last year I was involved in one of Amir Mohammad’s project, a months after that well…. My most recent tvc job.Things went pretty quiet for me afrer that, and that made me sort of nervous sensing that maybe, just maybe I should give up my dream to be a director, eventually a film director.High hopes, you might say.High hopes that will hit me hard like steel magnolias when it backfires.
Sometimes, I still ask myself ‘Do dreams really do come true?Wish upon a shooting star, they say.Yes, make a wish when you see a shooting star and all your dreams will come true!’Bullocks, bullshit, crap, false hope given to someone who needs hope.Maybe that’s what I need, false hope?Hell no.Or maybe I do.It’s three nineteen in the freakin morning, my eyes are closing on me,I need to get some shuteye.Later,cheers.
Ok,maybe not for the minute I shut my eyes words just started spewing into my mind, don’t know why.I suppose it’s the way of how things are, just when you feel like hitting the sack and then Poof!Eureka! Words, thoughts and ideas all comes to you at the very unexpected moment.Hrmmmmm….you know when I was a kid back when I was still in primary school I remember writing down three choices of ambition onto that horrible blue colour looking manilla cardboard piece form or somesort.For my first choice, I wrote pengarah seni(an art director),penulis(writer) for my second and tukang masak(cheft/ a cook if directly translatored).When my form teacher saw my last and final choice, she turned to me looking rather uncertain with her eyes like a goldfish and retorted “Tukang masak??!!” I ,in returned just nodded and went back to whatever I was doing that day in class.I was in standard two, then. It’s funny how all three of those that I wrote became three of my most favourite things to do.I love art since young I suppose, maybe because I was born with it, it’s in my genes.I started to write when I was eight, my aunt taught me how to cook when I was eight and I started to take art lessons when I was eight.Eight years old was like the beginning of my journey of finding myself.
Why did I took art lessons eventhough I had it in me?My late father used to say “Eventhough you are born with art, you still have to nurture it to it’s full potential and I want you to learn the fundamentals and basics of art”And I did.From that very moment on, I decided to make art as my career.It still is now but I’m beginning to reconsider that thought.Maybe I’m not meant to be an artist, maybe something else much bigger than that.

“God has a plan for me”-simon birch-

Have you seen that movie?It touches the very bottom of your heart, doesn’t it?. Story wise, it’s really heartfelt; well, not to say that the cinematography isn’t good or the script is bad.It’s a good movie with a great aunsombre of cast.How so?Because actors bring out the essense of storytelling in a movie.Anyhow, back to as I was saying.

No, I don’t know what I’m meant to be.But I do know what I want to be, I want to be a writer and director.Is it going to happen?Maybe, maybe not.For now, what I want is to be able to put all these and many other thoughts in my head onto print so that they could be heard.Is it an invasion of privacy, you might ask?No, it’s not.
So, hey do you think that I could do that? I do not have the relevant papers for this role.I’m being very spontaneaus, here; I know.I am a pretty spontaneaus and a very at the spur of the moment kind of person.

Carpe diem, as they always say.