Wednesday, May 23, 2007
my fictional reality
Once a upon a time there was…wait wait ,wait a minute. This is not how I want tostart telling a story. Camera rewinds and did a playback. The black Arial text were immediately erased from the screen like an invisible eraser .There, much better.
I am May. I never really liked the name. Its short, it’s simple and every girl in this whole wide world is named after the particular month of the year. I got used to it as I grew older but since this is a fictional reality I shall be now known as … oh God I still have to think of a name for the fictional “me”.Okay, gimme a few minutes here.
(Five minutes later….)Okay before I can continue, I just realized that I lost all my writings. Yes, all of my scripts and thoughts which I have ever written from 2002 until now. Wow, swell. JUST FREGIN GREAT.Somewhere down the line when I had to reformat my HDD I somehow did not backed up my writings which I thought I did. I burnt them onto a cd which along with other CDs in the ADIDAS bag was gone, that is another incident which I wished, did not happen. BUT IT DID.
Anyway I’m swerging away from another subject. Oh well I guess I could start a new chapter of writings….I suppose. Searched high and low. Not one trace of any of my writings. They are all gone. For good. A new beginning. Yes a new beginning.Thing is I can’t help but think of all the wasted words I have written is now gone.GONE!!!! Oh yeah, a new beginning. Right.
A new beginning or you might say to start things off from scratch. No worries.Most of my thoughts are here, on my blog.I have to remind myself to save all I have written here, as a back up. Well you’ll never know. The virtual world sometimes screws up too. Anyway, I may need to stop here and start with another starting line. Hold on, bear with me. Just scroll down a little until you come to a header lin
Once a upon a time there was…wait wait ,wait a minute. This is not how I want to
start telling a story. Camera rewinds and did a playback. The black Arial text were immediately erased from the screen like an invisible eraser .There, much better.I am May. I never really liked the name. Its short, it’s simple and every girl in this whole wide world is named after the particular month of the year. I got used to it as I grew older but since this is a fictional reality I shall be now known as … oh God I still have to think of a name for the fictional “me”.Okay, gimme a few minutes here.(Five minutes later….) Maybe I’ll stick with my plain old name.Though there may be many Mays out there but I am after all, like no other.
I never really knew what I wanted to be or become when I finished high school.I thought I knew what I wanted to be when I was still in form four,sixteen. It was then that I decided to pursue art and design once I get out of this horrid Chinese hell hole which I was dumped to against my will.Not that I am not proud of being one , just that most of the people who went to my high school were mostly Chinese educated, well the art streams anyway. Hence once I finished high school I got into an art college and finished my diploma within 2 years. I wished I had proper guidance from my late father.(Sigh)Not that I blamed him for leaving me at the most critical time of my life, well I do at times.To cut the story short, my dad died of stomach cancer back in October 1997, what a tragedy it was for me. The October tragedy. Like the song. What song you might ask? Nevermind. If you’re a huge Malay movie fan you would know the irony behind that phrase but if you are not then ignore it. I’m not but most Melayu are. Well the typical Melayu ones.God, im being a stereotype again.Can’t really blame me.I can be damn cynical at times.
Where was I ? Right.I never knew what I wanted to be. When I was done with college I jumped into many different field in the creative world. I wet my feet in being in production,being the PA hoping some big film director would take me under his or her wing, I then soaked myself in post production as a visual effect designer, the water was indefinitely cold so I got out of the pool.I fell into a rabbit hole into the animation world as an assistant producer, did not liked the formality and headed back to my passion film and off and on being in and out of various tv commercial jobs.It did not get anywhere, it was like being in an impossible labyrinth. I told a white lie to not get my feet burnt again. I emerged back to doing freelance design which did not really worked out due to late payments and ridiculous assholes and imbecilic clients.Times were bad for me. The past two years had been hell for me. Recently as I got back into web things have been looking up.I told myself that I should have stuck with web, the one subject which I used to hate in college.Now, I really wished I paid more attention back then.
I’m taking a step back to move forward. After seven years I have yet to find something fulfilling to do with my life.Well, what I am doing now is good, there’s room to improve and move forward.It is going well. But sometimes I do wish to be able to do what I want.I wanted to do my own thing.Be my own boss.Have my own branding.I want to paint.Work when I want to work. Be a photographer.I want to do all these things.I want to have a stress free life.Life is short.I want to live it to the fullest.I want to be happy. I am pretty okay about things right now but I’m not hundred percent happy.Maybe I am asking too much or may be I am not.I have’nt been writing and now I’m writing, which is good.For it feels to unleash whatever I have on my mind, this is how I release my anger and frustrations anyway.
Its way much better than being a bitch at work ,throwing myself into a lake of fire.
Once bitten will I always feel the pain and learn from it.
I did had a notion that I wanted to be a hippy.No shit. Paint. Take photographs. Write. Cook. Work when I want to work.I really wished that I could live that kind of life.Maybe if I have some kind of lottery or a huge amount of cash.I’ve never been lucky when it came to money matters.
A good friend of mine told me to keep my fulltime job and do photography as a freelance based job, which is not a bad idea.I still could do my own branding which I was suppose to start a month ago but alas, money has always been my main source of procrastinating plans.I don’t really know if these plans will work out a not.
I guess I’ll probably will have to see how it goes.Hopefully this year I will be able to achieve something on my list. Yes, I have a list of things to do ; in my head.The list is in my head. Superb hiding place don’t you think so? I think so too.
I am May. I never really liked the name. Its short, it’s simple and every girl in this whole wide world is named after the particular month of the year. I got used to it as I grew older but since this is a fictional reality I shall be now known as … oh God I still have to think of a name for the fictional “me”.Okay, gimme a few minutes here.
(Five minutes later….)Okay before I can continue, I just realized that I lost all my writings. Yes, all of my scripts and thoughts which I have ever written from 2002 until now. Wow, swell. JUST FREGIN GREAT.Somewhere down the line when I had to reformat my HDD I somehow did not backed up my writings which I thought I did. I burnt them onto a cd which along with other CDs in the ADIDAS bag was gone, that is another incident which I wished, did not happen. BUT IT DID.
Anyway I’m swerging away from another subject. Oh well I guess I could start a new chapter of writings….I suppose. Searched high and low. Not one trace of any of my writings. They are all gone. For good. A new beginning. Yes a new beginning.Thing is I can’t help but think of all the wasted words I have written is now gone.GONE!!!! Oh yeah, a new beginning. Right.
A new beginning or you might say to start things off from scratch. No worries.Most of my thoughts are here, on my blog.I have to remind myself to save all I have written here, as a back up. Well you’ll never know. The virtual world sometimes screws up too. Anyway, I may need to stop here and start with another starting line. Hold on, bear with me. Just scroll down a little until you come to a header lin
Once a upon a time there was…wait wait ,wait a minute. This is not how I want to
start telling a story. Camera rewinds and did a playback. The black Arial text were immediately erased from the screen like an invisible eraser .There, much better.I am May. I never really liked the name. Its short, it’s simple and every girl in this whole wide world is named after the particular month of the year. I got used to it as I grew older but since this is a fictional reality I shall be now known as … oh God I still have to think of a name for the fictional “me”.Okay, gimme a few minutes here.(Five minutes later….) Maybe I’ll stick with my plain old name.Though there may be many Mays out there but I am after all, like no other.
I never really knew what I wanted to be or become when I finished high school.I thought I knew what I wanted to be when I was still in form four,sixteen. It was then that I decided to pursue art and design once I get out of this horrid Chinese hell hole which I was dumped to against my will.Not that I am not proud of being one , just that most of the people who went to my high school were mostly Chinese educated, well the art streams anyway. Hence once I finished high school I got into an art college and finished my diploma within 2 years. I wished I had proper guidance from my late father.(Sigh)Not that I blamed him for leaving me at the most critical time of my life, well I do at times.To cut the story short, my dad died of stomach cancer back in October 1997, what a tragedy it was for me. The October tragedy. Like the song. What song you might ask? Nevermind. If you’re a huge Malay movie fan you would know the irony behind that phrase but if you are not then ignore it. I’m not but most Melayu are. Well the typical Melayu ones.God, im being a stereotype again.Can’t really blame me.I can be damn cynical at times.
Where was I ? Right.I never knew what I wanted to be. When I was done with college I jumped into many different field in the creative world. I wet my feet in being in production,being the PA hoping some big film director would take me under his or her wing, I then soaked myself in post production as a visual effect designer, the water was indefinitely cold so I got out of the pool.I fell into a rabbit hole into the animation world as an assistant producer, did not liked the formality and headed back to my passion film and off and on being in and out of various tv commercial jobs.It did not get anywhere, it was like being in an impossible labyrinth. I told a white lie to not get my feet burnt again. I emerged back to doing freelance design which did not really worked out due to late payments and ridiculous assholes and imbecilic clients.Times were bad for me. The past two years had been hell for me. Recently as I got back into web things have been looking up.I told myself that I should have stuck with web, the one subject which I used to hate in college.Now, I really wished I paid more attention back then.
I’m taking a step back to move forward. After seven years I have yet to find something fulfilling to do with my life.Well, what I am doing now is good, there’s room to improve and move forward.It is going well. But sometimes I do wish to be able to do what I want.I wanted to do my own thing.Be my own boss.Have my own branding.I want to paint.Work when I want to work. Be a photographer.I want to do all these things.I want to have a stress free life.Life is short.I want to live it to the fullest.I want to be happy. I am pretty okay about things right now but I’m not hundred percent happy.Maybe I am asking too much or may be I am not.I have’nt been writing and now I’m writing, which is good.For it feels to unleash whatever I have on my mind, this is how I release my anger and frustrations anyway.
Its way much better than being a bitch at work ,throwing myself into a lake of fire.
Once bitten will I always feel the pain and learn from it.
I did had a notion that I wanted to be a hippy.No shit. Paint. Take photographs. Write. Cook. Work when I want to work.I really wished that I could live that kind of life.Maybe if I have some kind of lottery or a huge amount of cash.I’ve never been lucky when it came to money matters.
A good friend of mine told me to keep my fulltime job and do photography as a freelance based job, which is not a bad idea.I still could do my own branding which I was suppose to start a month ago but alas, money has always been my main source of procrastinating plans.I don’t really know if these plans will work out a not.
I guess I’ll probably will have to see how it goes.Hopefully this year I will be able to achieve something on my list. Yes, I have a list of things to do ; in my head.The list is in my head. Superb hiding place don’t you think so? I think so too.
