Friday, May 27, 2005
Quarterlife manifestation
quarterlife is somewhat like a manifestation of life.It infest you,then it leave you hanging high & dry.It may be a rollercoaster which just gone berserk or it may be just another phase where everyone goes through.In one month’s time from yesterday, which was the 5th of April I will hit the big _ of my life.Do I care?Maybe.There is no fear of turning the big three O, of how I’d look nor how much weight I will gain.It is the fear of not becoming what I wanted to 5 years ago, which is to be a filmmaker.Relationship is my second prior to my career,which is a cross between hanging on loose thread and jumping off the edge of a very high cliff.I am not close to succeeding nor am I close to loosing faith in myself.Well, there were times when I did break down, several times ; mind you.If there was to blame , I suppose there are a whole lot of reasonable clauses.One of them is the goddamn ignorrant attitude those bloody mofos production houses in Msia has.Pipeline is one thing and keeping your word to the unsung heroes is one big giant problem.To us getting paid on time with the correct amount and title of job is the utmost important matter.I mean, we worked our asses off for you and this is how you treat us?Probably to some,it’s just how they brush us off by saying “Oh… just pay her and then she won’t bug us about her cheque.What job she was on?Erm…I dunno lah…just write that Telekom & DIGI job lah….she won’t notice wan lah.She didn’t do a very good job on Fanta anyway.So yea, just write the Telekom & DIGI job lah.Huh..?claims for petrol ah?No need lah..Ok..next agenda…”qoute and unqoute, that was crude.But that’sjust how it works in KL.Therefore I rest my case.Mistreating & abusing peopleis just not the right ettiquette.Hence I’m trying to land myself a job in Melbourne or Sdney.All I need is luck,perseverance and a wholotta good timing.My noble & sweet cousin, Marissa told me that I don’t need luck.She said that I’ve talent and that’s all I’ll ever need to succeed.Maybe.I do have confidence in myself but I am a subtle person, yes I am believe it or not when it comes to showing off my skills & talent.If I were loud , I’d say that to all those film directors in Msia, I CAN KICK YOUR ASSES ANYDAY,ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!!!!!! For I am GOD.
But I won’t.I know I can but as they say keep your friends close but your enemy closer.To me I’ll probably do as I am told but I am inferior to their commands; inside me, within me.I do wear a mask all the time, just to make them think that they are right but actually what I have in mind is way much better than theirs.I’d probably develop my own version and show it when the time is right.Timing is everything.They probably think that I am nobody now.Just some chick who knows only this teeny weenie much.Let them think that they are superior…for now.One fine day , when I rise, they who has shun upon me shall bow down before me , waiting for my bid.Man, I sound really arrogant don’t I? Nah, it ain’t arrogance.Just a little pride.Wonder when that one fine day shall come , I wonder.God has a plan for everyone as they say.BULLOCKS.
What you may become in the near future is what you make of yourself now, not some wishful thinking, not miracles and most certainly NOT GOD.I rest my case.Now, I’m doing something which I less fancy for the sake of financial survival.Freelance graphics.Im subconciously a slave for the rejects & the demented.REALLY.If you’ve seen the crap that I have to put up with, it’s beyond the doubt that if something better comes along, I would have made a straight run for it.But for the time being, I am taking SHIT.Don’t take no shit, huh..?Sometimes, you just have to.I remind myself that the only reason I’m withstanding all these pain is that in the end of the day , I will get paid for I need the BENJAMINS, urgently.It’s not an option that I would most likely choose, but it is an option that I just have to take.It’s an obligation.I take no joy in them.Im repressing myself , Im forcing myself to regurgitate my food, literally speaking.SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.Yea well.. you don’t say..you don’t say.Life is not a bitch.Life is a living hell and when you do die..
hell will only be like heaven.
But I won’t.I know I can but as they say keep your friends close but your enemy closer.To me I’ll probably do as I am told but I am inferior to their commands; inside me, within me.I do wear a mask all the time, just to make them think that they are right but actually what I have in mind is way much better than theirs.I’d probably develop my own version and show it when the time is right.Timing is everything.They probably think that I am nobody now.Just some chick who knows only this teeny weenie much.Let them think that they are superior…for now.One fine day , when I rise, they who has shun upon me shall bow down before me , waiting for my bid.Man, I sound really arrogant don’t I? Nah, it ain’t arrogance.Just a little pride.Wonder when that one fine day shall come , I wonder.God has a plan for everyone as they say.BULLOCKS.
What you may become in the near future is what you make of yourself now, not some wishful thinking, not miracles and most certainly NOT GOD.I rest my case.Now, I’m doing something which I less fancy for the sake of financial survival.Freelance graphics.Im subconciously a slave for the rejects & the demented.REALLY.If you’ve seen the crap that I have to put up with, it’s beyond the doubt that if something better comes along, I would have made a straight run for it.But for the time being, I am taking SHIT.Don’t take no shit, huh..?Sometimes, you just have to.I remind myself that the only reason I’m withstanding all these pain is that in the end of the day , I will get paid for I need the BENJAMINS, urgently.It’s not an option that I would most likely choose, but it is an option that I just have to take.It’s an obligation.I take no joy in them.Im repressing myself , Im forcing myself to regurgitate my food, literally speaking.SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.Yea well.. you don’t say..you don’t say.Life is not a bitch.Life is a living hell and when you do die..
hell will only be like heaven.
# posted by i am may : 12:43 AM
